For almost two years my wedding and engagement rings sat in my desk drawer, collecting dust in the boxes my ex-husband held when he had presented them to me, almost two decades prior.
When we decided to separate, and he said he would move out, I felt a wash of relief. He was able to do something for us– for our family– that I wasn’t able to do.
My husband knew the relationship had taken its course. We had tried as hard as we could to make things work, but ultimately the dynamic between the two of us was affecting our kids. He called it when I couldn’t. I would have hung in there for our children, but he looked ahead at the long game and knew that wasn’t the best way for them to grow up. And he was right. He had always been stronger than me in that way, and even though we aren’t married any longer, I still admire him very much.
We told our children we were separating, and he moved out. After that, it felt heavy to wear my rings, but I wasn’t ready to take them off. I told myself I would wait for my husband to take that step first. It was as if I couldn’t make this call either. It felt too huge and it made me feel selfish to be the one to let go of this part of us first.
And then it happened.
My ex came over one night a few weeks after he’d settled into his new place to have dinner with me and the kids. This was something we did for a few months after the split, and itwas just as much for our sake as it was for theirs. We were lucky. My ex and I had been best friends for almost twenty years and thankfully ended things before all of the good things about our relationship were taken over with (too much) resentment and anger.
During dinner, I noticed his left ring finger was bare. It suddenly became clear to me what I needed to do. I finally felt at peace enough to take my rings off. After I first removed them from my left hand, I realized that I liked the way my bare left ring finger looked. I didn’t feel sad or upset about it. It felt right.
Eventually, the rings started to bother me again. I knew they were sitting in a drawer and, thinking it would propel me to sell them, I’d stopped the insurance policy on them. I made a few appointments with local jewelers to try and sell them, but I always found an excuse to back out of it.
The relief I had initially felt when I took my rings off began to wear off. Now having them hanging around, serving as a reminder of our wedding day and so much more, began to feel too heavy. Like reopening a wound that was so close to healing over and over and over again.
My daughter became really curious about my rings and wanted them. She’d gone into my desk and tried them on. There was something about seeing her with them that would bring me down and make me sad. I realized that perhaps I was waiting for something to happen to push me to get rid of those rings.
Here I was again, waiting for my ex-husband to make the first move. Just as I had waited for him to make the decision for us to end our marriage. And just as I had waited for him to remove his rings first.
I knew this was different and something I had to do on my own. My ex-husband had told me to keep the rings and I knew that he certainly wasn’t going to come over and sell them for me.
Within a week of me making (yet) another appointment to have them looked at by a jeweler, a friend told me about her experience selling her rings on Worthy. I got in contact with them within minutes. It all happened so fast and flawlessly. As soon as I shipped them out, almost two years after I’d taken them off, the weight was lifted off of me.
Selling my rings had, until that point, felt like an all-encompassing task. There are times when something feels so heavy simply because you are putting it off and it consumes you, yet you can’t seem to get it done. This was one of those times.
Selling my rings was just the start of it. The next night, I met a great man. We fell in love fast and I am still with him today. Some may think it’s a coincidence but I don’t. Selling those rings made me feel light enough to give myself permission to move on.
My left ring finger now holds a new ring. I shopped around for a while. I didn’t want just any ring. I wanted something that truly felt like a gift to myself.
I found a local jewelry maker who helped me design a new ring. It was a very personalized experience – I explained my situation telling her I was divorced and shared what I was going through and feeling with her. To help make the ring more personalized to me, she wanted to know more about my life and the kinds of things I liked to do to make sure this ring was designed to fit me.
I told her that I was a runner, green was my favorite color, and explained that I wanted a statement ring. She took all of that and suggested a bronze ring with a Chrysoprase stone – the metal is good for joints and stone is thought to be a heart opener. A perfect match for me. I told her to surprise me with the rest and she did.
I love my new ring and wear it almost every day. It’s something that I did for me, because I wanted to. It doesn’t replace anything. It represents a new chapter in my life and is a reminder I am allowed to do what’s best for me without feeling the need to wait for someone else to make the call.
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