Managing the Ups and Downs of Divorce

the Ups and Downs of Divorce
Dr. Kristin Davin

By Dr. Kristin Davin | Jan 22nd, 2019

No one ever says divorce is going to be easy. And truth be told, it’s far from it. Going through a divorce is like riding an emotional roller coaster. A constant feeling of up and down, swerving all over the place and sometimes feeling sick to your stomach. Sometimes you feel excited yet equally scared and fearful for your future and at times may want to hop off, but you can’t. You are in it.

No two days are the same. Hell, just getting through one day is challenging. Two steps forward, three steps back. How you thought your life would be isn’t the way it turned out after all. The goals, the dreams, the future feels like it has evaporated into thin air. The more you try to control it, the more your life feels out of your control.

As a divorce coach and therapist, I see firsthand how divorce unravels a person’s life. Personally, I have been through it twice. Sometimes it’s like ripping the band-aid off and other times it’s like peeling it away slowly. Yet, both are painful in their own right.

Yet, in due time, the tide does turn. And you will find that although your life is not the same, it can be a better version. A life the way you want it from this moment on and on your terms.

But learning how to manage the emotional ups and downs in healthy, sustaining, and empowering ways, and eventually thriving (yes thriving!) until you arrive safely with both of your feet firmly planted on the ground presents its own challenges. However, it’s the path you will need to take to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

But trust me, even when you don’t believe or feel that you can do it, I know you can.

Now, don’t get me wrong. During this whole divorce process and managing the ups and downs might find you experiencing some pretty dark days. And these dark days may make you think about ending the ‘life race’ and give up. Feeling and believing that you just don’t have the energy or willpower to endure. You feel powerless. The pain is just too unbearable. No matter what you do, nothing gets better. And the world might be a better place without you. I get it.

But trust me, even when you don’t believe or feel that you can do it, I know you can.

Because if you can just wait for that one moment to pass (because it will) and allow yourself to sit with the unbearable feelings, just doing that one small thing provides you the opportunity to reach out to others – like here on Worthy, your family, friends, church or where ever or whomever you need to reach out to – that WILL offer you the unconditional support, love, guidance and friendship that you need. Right in that moment. That’s all you need right now for the moment.

And doing that will allow you to see yourself in a whole new light. And if it doesn’t, it should.

Even in the moments of feeling weak, vulnerable, unloved, lonely, or sad, think I am strong. Even if you don’t believe it, think it anyway. Hit the pause button. Take stock. Reach out to others. Persevere. Have faith and believe in yourself. Show yourself just a small ounce of love.

Because in that moment, that’s all you really need.

Eventually, all of those moments that you persevere, put one foot in front of the other, grit your teeth and move through your divorce, add up to hours. All those hours add up to days. All those days add up to weeks. All those weeks add up to months.

When you chose to hit the pause button, you permit yourself to sit with your feelings instead of running from them, drowning them in unhealthy behaviors, or ignoring them. YOU created the one moment that started you down a different path. Healthier. Empowered. Stronger.

Remember, you are worth every one of those moments.

Dr. Kristin Davin

Dr. Kristin Davin

Kristin Davin is a Relationship Therapist and Coach. She helps people embrace change, cultivate healthier relationships, and become more effective communicators.


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