When Life Gives You Lemons, Tell Life F U and Laugh

Laura Lifshitz

By Laura Lifshitz | Mar 3rd, 2020

Life loves to hand out lemons. Whether you’re rich or poor, young or old, male or female or whatever you choose to identify as, I can guarantee you that life will send some lemons your way, for sure.

And let’s be real: when you’ve gone through a divorce you sort of feel as if you took the whole friggin’ lemon in your mouth and drank sour juice for months on end. Even in the best of divorce situations, we’ve all had a bit of sour taste in our mouth and it’s easy to be depressed and discouraged with puckered lips to boot.

With a show of hands, how many of you have simply felt like you couldn’t handle another thing life handed you? How many of you have felt like it’s never going to get better? Like life is raining little tiny sh*t balls all over you? Feeling like you’re walking around the corner, getting slimed by your worst enemies every day?

Well, shake off those sh*t balls, wipe off the slime, and spit out that rotten lemon flavor and when you’re feeling like crap, tell life, FU and laugh a little by remembering these things:

1. Eventually, Karma Will Repay Whatever Rat Bastard Has Hurt You

When you are feeling like complete and utter poop, just remember that whoever hurt you will eventually, get his or hers. That evil rat bastard that made you cry will most certainly, end up in a bathroom stall with a vicious case of diarrhea and the stomach flu. That heartless and callous fool will end up stuck on the side of the road with no one to help him or her.

In the end, bad people get theirs, so don’t cry too much kiddo.

2. Even If You’re Stuck In A PoopStorm, It Could Always Be Worse

If we all put our problems in a pile, chances are we would take a look at what the poor girl next to us has, and we’d pick our own problems back up again. It could always be worse. We could always have it worse. Even when we don’t believe we could, we could. So, as much as your poopstorm most certainly stinks, you could be caught in a more explosive mess…

It could always be worse!

3. If Divorce Is Bringing You Down, Just Remember Your Old Married Life

As hard as it is to divorce, doesn’t sweet freedom taste pretty good? I mean if your married life was all that sweet, you wouldn’t be getting a divorce.

When you really feel like life is punching you, think about who your ex will be with next, and remember it really could be worse…you could be wife or husband #2, #3 or what have you!

4. Your Bad Attitude Is Only Going To Make It Worse

If you run around with a nasty grimace on your face, you’ll only make life worse for yourself. You could sit around and feel sorry for yourself, or you could throw yourself a party.

Put it this way: if life is really difficult, is it better to sit home and cry, or go out, hire a strapping young thing to do your chores and eat bonbons while you cry…

You don’t need to make things harder on yourself. You need to allow yourself a little comfort as you manage life’s crappy round of cards.

Listen to Laura discuss dating and other things you can handle on our podcast:

5. You’re Not Alone Unless You Want To Be

Sometimes when I feel down, it feels as if I am completely alone. But is that reality or is it just my feelings? Feelings aren’t facts or truths.

Chances are if you reach out to a family member or a friend, you will find comfort in the storm. There are more people who care about you than you probably even realize. There are more people who wish you sunshine and kittens than fire and brimstone! As lonely as you feel, try to reach out to others to make some lemon martinis.

And when in doubt…

6. Find The Silver Lining In The Deep, Dark Pits of Your Life

When things absolutely suck and you’re literally getting pooped on from every angle, find the humor…find the sparkle in the sh*t.

Just remind yourself:

In every day, even if it’s just that you made it through the day, find one small patch of sunshine and green grass and it will make the dark times better.

And remember that it’s okay to be angry, upset and want to scream. It’s okay to feel like giving the world the middle finger. You can’t always be a beauty queen or a human resources representative (even if you do actually work in HR!). We all have bad days and it’s okay to allow yourself to have a few, but don’t get stuck in the mire. And if you are stuck, ask for help. Only the strongest can ask for help and there’s nothing wrong with doing so!

Laura Lifshitz

Laura Lifshitz

Laura Lifshitz is a writer, comedienne, a former MTV VJ and Columbia University grad. Find her work in the NYTimes, Worthy, and other sites. Visit her at frommtvtomommy.com.


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