The Importance of Family Dinner

By Lorie Kleiner Eckert | Mar 22nd, 2020

During times of uncertainty, family can be the constant support many of us need. With the current global health crisis of COVID-19, many of us have gained the opportunity to spend quality time with those who matter to us most. As we all sit at home and our lives redirected, we become aware of life’s simple gifts. We hope you take a moment to read this article reminding us of the joy we can find in a simple family dinner. We hope you stay healthy out there!
-The Worthy Staff

When my kids were young and lived at home my son and I struggled all the time over the topic of family dinner. He hankered to eat at friends’ houses and/or to have friends eat at ours. I allowed him to have one such event each week. He balked at this restriction, begging for two. Like a broken record, I explained repeatedly: There are three children in our family. If each of you have friends over – or are gone – twice a week that means potentially we could have six nights a week without family dinner. I wasn’t willing to go that route. Family dinner once a week was not enough. 

A lot of years have passed and now my kids have kids and it appears there is a different issue threatening family dinner: extra-curricular activities. My daughters each have three children and my son has four. If each of those grandkids has two evening activities to attend, the math does not bode well for family dinners. And let’s not even mention how exhausted everyone is from running in so many directions or how fussy everyone is from hunger because there was no time to even eat, much less eat together. Oh, and one more thing to consider, the adults have evening activities too!

I chuckle, remembering my son’s 18^th birthday. He was already off to college then but the school was only 40 miles away from our house so he came home to celebrate over – you guessed it – family dinner. In his 18-year-old wisdom, he said this, “You were right, Mom. What I miss most at college is family dinner.” I almost choked on my tuna casserole. Wasn’t it supposed to take until he was 40 for him to tell me I was right about anything?

Here are a few experts who also agree with my opinion:

• WebMD tells us that families who dine together eat more fruits and vegetables and fewer fried foods, sodas, and food with trans fats. Kids are thus less likely to be overweight.
• Stanford Children’s Health quotes a study from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse telling us that kids who eat meals with their families are less likely to smoke, drink, or use illicit drugs. 
• TheFamilyDinnerProject.org quotes research on the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of regular family meals, mentioning these perks for kids: higher self-esteem, a greater sense of resilience, lower risk of depression, and a lower likelihood of developing eating disorders.

While I still feel family dinner once a week is not enough, given today’s realities, it’s a great starting place. Here are three steps you can take to make family dinner a reality.

Step 1: You have to make a commitment to family dinners. This is by far the hardest step. It means the parents can’t schedule business trips or plan a Girls’/Guys’ Night Outs on the designated day. It also means they must pick extra-curricular activities for the kids that do NOT include a practice session on that night. I understand this is difficult. But I also understand this: If your boss told you that you had to be at a meeting every single Tuesday night at 6:30, you’d be there. Family dinner deserves this same commitment level.

Step 2: You need a meal to eat. Remember the acronym KISS? It means Keep It Simple, Stupid and unless you LOVE cooking, that’s the rule for your meal planning. I always think in terms of having a protein, a vegetable, a starch, and a fruit. Here are three easy meals you can rotate over the weeks:

• Pasta night: Spaghetti with meat sauce, a big salad, garlic bread, and pineapple chunks. 
• Hot off the grill: Burgers, corn on the cob, baked potatoes, and watermelon. 
• Crockpot cookery: Chicken chunks in some kind of sauce, peas, Minute Rice, and berries.  

Some notes: 

• It is perfectly fine to stay with these three meals, but if you like more variety, look to Delish.com. They offer 79 easy pasta dishes, 49 easy grilling ideas, and 25 easy slow-cooker chicken recipes. 
• Every family will have picky eaters. So I keep things on hand for such diners. If they don’t like my protein they can make themselves a peanut butter sandwich or eat cheese and crackers. If they don’t like my vegetable, they can get themselves raw carrots in the frig and even a veggie dip. Apples are always available as a fruit choice plus I keep lunch box sized containers of mandarin oranges and peaches on hand. But please note, I have already prepared a meal. Those who want something different need to get it for themselves.

Step 3: Everyone is gathered around the table with a nutritious meal in front of them, now what? Conversation is key, so turn off the TV and put your devices away. If conversation does not come easily, get it rolling by asking a simple question that everyone around the table has a turn to answer. For instance:

• What was the best thing that happened to you today?
• How were you kind to another person recently?
• What was your greatest challenge of the day?
• If you were granted a do-over for today, what would you do differently?

For additional help with Steps 2 and 3 TheFamilyDinnerProject.org is the place to look. They offer recipes, conversations starters, and even games families can play at the table. Anne Fishel is the Executive Director and co-founder of this organization. Her credentials are impressive. She is a family therapist, clinical psychologist, and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at the Harvard Medical School. When asked about the importance of family dinners she says: “As a family therapist, I often have the impulse to tell families to go home and have dinner together rather than spending an hour with me.”

Enough said? I think so! Family dinner at least once a week is an important goal. Make it happen!