“Worthy Women & Divorce,” our new Facebook group, has been open just under two months, and we are blown away by the stories from the amazing members of this new community. We were especially touched by a beautiful letter one member shared that was written to her by her uncle about healing after divorce. It was amazing to see the reactions from the group. Even though this letter was written from a loving uncle to his niece it resonated with the whole community. With her permission, we are sharing it on our blog because we believe any woman going through a divorce will appreciate the wisdom and kindness in this letter. Here’s what he had to say:
You asked me an important question on Sunday: “Will I ever be happy again.”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot the last couple of days, and I want to give you a more thoughtful answer than the simple “Yes” that I offered in the moment. The answer is still yes, but with some additional color.
You will most certainly be happy. It’s your nature, and it’s your destiny. Rest assured of that.
I know it doesn’t seem that way now, as you struggle with all of the unhappy emotions you’re processing: sadness, fear, uncertainty, anger, regret. It’s painful right now, but it’s also important: You need to process those emotions and work through them to get to the other side.
So how do you do that? First, don’t suppress the emotions; you can’t let them control you, or drag you down into a dark hole. You have to acknowledge them, embrace them and process them in order to eventually put them behind you.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to be sad. You’ve lost something, and it’s okay to be sad about that.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to be scared. You’re headed into uncharted waters and it’s okay to feel uncertain.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to be angry. You trusted someone and he let you down.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to feel everything you’re feeling.
But focus on all the good feelings as well:
You are strong, stronger than you know, and you will get through this because you can and you must, for yourself and your children.
You are smart, smarter than you know, and great things await you.
You are loved, by those two beautiful babies and by a support network around you that will not let you down.
You are kind, and that kindness will not only sustain you through this period but be rewarded by kindness returned tenfold as you reframe your life.
You caught a bad break with a partner who betrayed you. But he doesn’t define you anymore, nor should he ever define what it means to be happy.
In the weeks ahead, focus on what you do best: Be strong (don’t let him wear you down). Be smart (don’t let him suck you in). Be kind (don’t let the hardness of his heart harden yours). Set sail forward, don’t let him suck you backward into emotional arguments, and trust that the best for you (and your kids) is yet to come.
Over time, the pain will diminish and hope will return. It will be small at first: You’ll laugh at something funny; you’ll walk outside and enjoy the smell of jasmine flowers in the breeze, or the warmth of the sun on your skin; you’ll wake up with a smile on your face for no apparent reason. You’ll feel the darkness begin to lift.
You’ll pick up the pieces, resume your life, meet someone special who will treat you right, and you’ll be surprised at how distant your old life — and the pain you’re feeling now — have become.
That’s not today, because you still have work to do in completing the break and restructuring your life. The dark emotions will continue to flare until you’re on the other side of this phase.
But the dark emotions will recede, and the good stuff, the happy stuff, will take its place soon — and for the rest of your life.
As you fight through the dissolution over the next few weeks and months, remember this: You are strong, stronger than he is. You are smart, smarter than he is. You are surrounded by love and support greater than he could ever hope for.
The best part of your life is ahead of you. And yes, you will be happy again. I promise.
You don’t need to have a special uncle like this woman did to feel supported, empowered and uplifted throughout your divorce journey. There’s an amazing community of women spreading this same kind of encouragement in Worthy Women & Divorce, and you can subscribe to our podcast Divorce & Other Things You Can Handle for episodes created for you weekly!
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