You’re trying everything. You’re putting yourself out into this online dating world. Swiping left and occasionally lucky enough to swipe right. You begin speaking to someone. It’s going good and then…cricket! cricket! Where did he go? What did I say? Maybe I wasn’t interesting enough? Maybe I have too much baggage? Maybe he starting speaking to someone more playful? All these thoughts bombard you. You’re taking advice from all the experts. You’re taking yourself on dates and trying not to focus on when he’ll come. You’re journaling. You’re manifesting and have made your list of all the qualities you want in a man. Still nothing. You’re starting to believe love just wasn’t meant for you.
The problem isn’t that there’s a shortage of men out there, ladies. The problem isn’t that there are no decent guys left. The problem isn’t that all men only want one thing. The problem is actually you! Yup, I said it! Y-O-U. Before you get offended, hear me out. What I am telling you is actually good news because in knowing that you are the reason you have attracted what you don’t want thus far, you can rest assured knowing that you can now attract what you do want.
When I began dating after my divorce, I thought it would be easy. I had a successful career. I was a great mom. I was a pretty woman with a body that was fit and well-taken care of with brand new boobs to go along with it. No brainer, right? Clearly, it would be easy to find my perfect man. I laugh to myself as I am writing this at how naive I was. Soon I began to see I was attracting all the wrong men. I was attracting men who “made me feel” unseen and insignificant. I began to see clearly that it wasn’t all the men I was attracting that were the problem. It was me who was the common denominator in every scenario. Once I worked on myself and healed me, my dream love came walking in.
You haven’t had the best role models when it comes to love and in turn, your own experiences around love are tainted. Love may not have worked out for you in the past, therefore you believe it won’t work out for you now. You believe love doesn’t come easily or that love is a struggle. It scares you to be in love so you unconsciously protect yourself by attracting all the wrong guys. If you can’t find someone to connect with, then you can never fall in love. And if you never fall in love, you can never be hurt. Quite fascinating how the subconscious works, isn’t it?
You can’t seem to let him go. You try everything but you still find yourself obsessing over them. They energetically take up space. You’re unconsciously scared to move on because that will ruin your chances of being with “him”. So what happens is you attract all the wrong men or no men at all. By doing this, it allows you to unconsciously hold out hope that it will work out with “him” in the end. It’s you unconsciously trying to control the situation.
Depending on your upbringing or who your role model was, this will often allow you to attract the man of your dreams or your worst nightmare. You may believe all men are the same and they only want one thing. You may believe men are womanizers so you attract men who ask for nudes or send inappropriate pictures of their most prized possession (eye roll). You may believe men don’t know how to meet your needs so you attract men who always let you down or emotionally abandon you. Making the unconscious conscious and reprogramming your mind is key to change here.
You’re so scared of letting someone in close to you that you keep everyone at arm’s reach. When men get too close, somehow you find something wrong with them or lose the attraction. You don’t show up as your true self underneath all the armor. The idea of letting them into your world to know your soft and vulnerable side is not an option, so you show up in your masculine energy rather than in your feminine. You fear being abandoned emotionally or physically so you jump ship before you are the one to be abandoned. In relationships, this can also show up as a push-pull dynamic. You pull him in close and it feels really good but unconsciously unsafe, so before you know it you’re nitpicking or starting a fight, which pushes him away and protects you from being hurt. Also, every time he comes back, you feel reassured that he really does love you. Testing the love to feel safe.
Childhood limiting beliefs, or as I like to call them, “little bitches”, get in the way. These are stories you created about yourself based on how you interpreted your environment as a little girl. You attract a man that mirrors what you believe about yourself. If you felt unseen, insignificant and unlovable as a child, you’ll attract a man that may have narcissistic tendencies. Your sense of self is not solid so you may become who you think the man you’re dating wants, which actually becomes unattractive to a man. Whatever the case may be, you’ll attract men who will allow you to feel the way you felt deep down as a child. With low self-worth and poor self-love, you can more easily fall victim to the first guy who pays attention to you. He showers you with compliments and his claws are hooked in you.
Healing your inner little lady and first loving yourself is the secret sauce to releasing whatever is getting in your way of attracting your dream love no matter the scenario. Just in your desire for love means that it was indeed meant for you. If you’d like to learn more about what’s getting in your way, please join my Facebook community, Manifest Love through Self-Love and take my free 5 day Unhealthy Love Detox.
©2011-2024 Worthy, Inc. All rights reserved.
Worthy, Inc. operates from 25 West 45th St., 2nd Floor, New York, NY 10036
