6 Thoughts You Will Have About Your Ex and Dammit, It’s Ok

Laura Lifshitz

By Laura Lifshitz | Oct 29th, 2018

If we really loved our exes so much, we would still be with them. You don’t divorce someone because that person is the love of your life. Of course, you can still have plenty of positive thoughts about your ex-spouse after a divorce, but if you have a few bad ones, well … that’s not unusual, and you won’t go to hell.

Unless of course, you treat the person like garbage. That’s a whole other story.

But if you’ve ever had these thoughts about your ex, you’re in good company with many others who have felt the same way. Have a laugh and also, take heed of the positive spin I’ll give on all of those negative feelings. If you can’t grow from this experience, then what was the point of divorcing the person?

1. How Did My Ex Find Someone Else to Fall For His/Her Sh*t?

Yup, this isn’t an unusual thought to have. But before you go crazy wondering, keep a few things in mind:

Most importantly, who cares? Why sit around wondering about your ex’s new partnership when you could be focusing on your own life? Let those thoughts enter and exit your mind, like trains passing in and out of towns.

2. Why Hasn’t Karma Found My Ex Yet?

Ha, ha. Your ex may be thinking the same thing about you!

Doesn’t that make you laugh a little?

In any event, you’ve probably wondered why karma hasn’t brought down the iron rod on your ex. You may even see an ex thriving after him or her doing a whole bunch of bad stuff. This may make you lose faith.

Don’t worry.


3. How Did I Even Marry This Person in The First Place?

Okay, well…that’s a good question.

You’ll sit and wonder this probably many times throughout the years after your divorce. I actually think putting the finger on why you married someone that didn’t work out is a healthy thing. By figuring out what charmed you to the marriage, you can:


It’s normal to be mad at yourself also for choosing Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, but don’t hold onto those feelings because it won’t help you in the long run.

How Did I Ever Find This Person Attractive?

Funny how you can forget all that sexual attraction after things have gone sour, right?

I’ve talked to people who said at some point, they felt downright repulsed by their former spouse. It’s amazing how bad behaviors and a toxic situation can literally poison those happy “horny” feel-good hormones.

No advice needed here, but know that it’s not unusual to be grossed out by your former love.

4. How Did That Person Stop Doing All The Things I Once Loved?

Remember all the cute pet names and nice romantic meals your former spouse used to lavish on you? (Or something like that?)

How did it get to this? How did it get to wanting a passport out of town from this person?

5. How Did I Not See The Writing on The Wall When The Marriage Started Going South With This Person? (Was I Clinically Insane?)

Chances are, you’re only 40% crazy, and not 100%. Sure, you probably put on big fat blinders to your ex’s behaviors and you’d be smart to not do that in the future, but sometimes, we only see what we want to see. Don’t stab your eyes out over this though; here are things to consider for the future:

You can’t punish yourself for this. Many of us stay too long in bad marriages.

Whatever the case is, the best way to be free from a bad marriage for eternity is to not allow your former marriage to take up too much headspace. You need to live, love and go on my friend in order to embrace a better future!

Laura Lifshitz

Laura Lifshitz

Laura Lifshitz is a writer, comedienne, a former MTV VJ and Columbia University grad. Find her work in the NYTimes, Worthy, and other sites. Visit her at frommtvtomommy.com.


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