Overcoming Your Divorce Guilt with Tonya Carter

Mandy Walker

By Mandy Walker | Aug 22nd, 2023

When it comes to divorce, guilt can sometimes come with the territory. In some cases, we may even feel guilty for something that was not completely in our control. Guilt is a natural emotion, and in this episode I explore how you can overcome the guiltiness you may feel surrounding your divorce. 

Tonya Carter is a Divorce/Relationship Exit Strategist, working with women to help them navigate through the process of uncoupling by providing support, advice, resources and tools ‎that will help mitigate interruptions in their business, work performance and household obligations. ‎In this episode of Divorce & Other Things You Can Handle, Tonya explains why feeling guilty is human, and we discuss strategies for how to overcome that guilt in order to achieve growth and emotional freedom.

Feeling Guilty For Getting a Divorce Is Very Common 

Marriage is a promise, and divorcing can feel like breaking that promise. You can get plagued by the “should have” or “could have” with how you may have potentially saved the relationship. Guilt reveals empathy and compassion, it makes you human, and can come with the territory of divorce. The difficulty is overcoming the guilt you feel, to free yourself into new experiences. 

How to Overcome Guilt

Give yourself grace. You are allowed to feel guilty, but be aware of how long you linger there. Prolonged feelings of guilt can have negative effects on your emotional state as well as your physical health. By giving yourself grace, you can disconnect from that feeling and more objectively assess your situation. You deserve to move on from guilt, to take what you have learned from that experience and grow emotionally. Traditional, familial, or cultural expectations can amplify the feeling of guilt. 

Identifying Why You Feel Guilty Will Help in Overcoming It 

If there was wrongdoing on your part, forgiving yourself is necessary in order to overcome the guilt you may feel. Getting to the root cause of the guilt can be very revealing. Putting time and energy into something that you cannot change will take your energy away from something else that you can change. 

Divorce Is a Disruption

Divorce causes disruption in several facets of your life, which can make it easy to go into survival mode. When you’re in that headspace, you aren’t thinking about growing or improving your life. Be mindful of what autopilot looks like for you. You can strive for betterment, while acknowledging that perfection is going to be impossible.

Does Guilt Ever Go Away?

The guilt of the divorce itself can dissipate over time, but there may be new situations that arise which bring the feeling of guilt back. Navigating these guilty feelings openly with your family or loved ones can help with releasing it. Overcoming guilt is an ongoing process. 

About Tonya Carter

Tonya is a Marriage/Relationship Exit Strategist. She uses her knowledge, personal experience, and expertise to help women‎ navigate through the process of uncoupling by providing support, advice, resources and tools ‎that will help mitigate interruptions in their business, work performance and household obligations. ‎

She’s the author of “Divorce Your Story: A Woman’s Guide to Heal & Thrive after Divorce” and ‎she also facilitates her signature program “T.H.R.I.V.E” – a 12 week program to gain the strategies and tools to exit out of a relationship properly, heal intelligently, and enter & evolve into a life of freedom and fulfillment.

She also hosts a podcast called “The Purposely Thriving Podcast” and she’s a graduate of DeVry & Central Michigan University.

She is from Atlanta where she resides with her two children.

How to Reach Tonya

Tonya’s Website: TonyaCarter.com
Tonya’s Book: Divorce Your Story, A Woman’s Guide To Heal & Thrive After Divorce
Free Download Divorce/Breakup Guide: Your Next Chapter: 7 Ways to Thrive After Divorce/Breakup

Mandy Walker

Mandy Walker

Mandy Walker is a divorce mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® based in Boulder, Colorado. She works with individuals and couples helping them to end their relationships with dignity and respect, creating an understanding of the process and their options so they can feel confident in the decisions they’re making.


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